I was raised on Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast and have seen enough romantic comedies to know that the right guy is gorgeous, loves me for my quirks and knows exactly what to do and say to sweep me off my feet. He’s strong yet romantic. Alpha yet sensitive. And oh yes. He only has eyes for me and love at first sight so totally exists.
And the guys I meet? Well they know to expect a version of a Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model. A woman who is waxed up and into sex like a porn star. But not slutty. Feminine but not wanting a sugar daddy. Has a job, but isn’t too into work. A good wife, mother, housekeeper and cook. Happy all the time yet will speak directly because he can’t read minds.
I think we can all agree that men and women defined in those terms do not exist outside of magazines and our television screens, right?
While I do expect a man to treat me kindly, respectfully and with a genuine desire to both get to know me and get to KNOW me if you know what I’m saying andIbelieveyoudo, I don’t expect him to be living in my head and do/say exactly what I want him to at the precise moment I need/want/think he should.
By that same token, I’m responsible for bringing myself to the table kindly, thoughtfully and with a genuine desire to meet a guy where he’s at. To get to know HIM, not try and morph him into what I want/need him to be.
And so how do I do that?
1. I try. I don’t always get it perfect, but I do make an effort to keep my expectations in check but move on when I don’t feel I’m being met half way. A lack of kindness, respect and interest are deal breakers.
2. I look at each man as an individual, not a composite of a bunch of guys before him. I have no idea what his last girlfriend or his last date was like or how bad/good she treated him. I expect him to see me for me and feel like I owe it to him to do the same.
3. I am the best version of myself. I am myself around other people, there is no sense in trying to be otherwise. I like baseball but couldn’t tell you the first thing about soccer except I like the men who play it. I enjoy my job, but do it primarily so I can hop on airplanes and fly off to a new timezone and drink expensive wine. I get annoyed at entitlement and people who drive too slow. That being said, when I am getting to know someone I make sure that I’m polite, engaged and conscious of their experience with me. Am I bringing the spark, the fun and opening myself up enough so they get a sense of who I am?
4. I ask myself if I’m into it. Life is too short to date a guy that I’m not into. I believe in giving people a fair chance, but I know pretty early if I want to make out with him. And chances are I know even earlier if he’s a quality guy that deserves it.
5. The Golden Rule! Treat others the way you want to be treated. Be honest, clear, kind, respectful and a good kisser. And don’t waste your time with people who don’t extend you the same courtesy.